Deeper Wounds

Posted on 21 Mar 2023 @ 6:47pm by Lieutenant JG Harper Matthews & Lieutenant Cassandra Higgins-Stevens

Mission: Through the looking glass
Location: Sickbay
1844 words - 3.7 OF Standard Post Measure

ON

The lights had been dimmed in sickbay, Cassie had been kept in by C'Tora due to her injuries and wanting to make sure there was no left over effects of her sojourn as a puppet of whatever the hell had taken over Xu. She couldn't sleep though. Flashes of memory not her own kept coming to her mind, some of what had been sent to the Captain along with other darker, twisted nightmares.

She was tired of tossing and turning, not being able to sleep. She had considered calling the Nurse over to administer something to let her sleep but was it needed? Instead she pulled herself up in her bed, looking out over sickbay as she reached for the PADD set on top of the side table near her bed. She activated it and called up the book she had started to read when she heard a noise from the bed next to her.

"Lieutenant... Are you awake?"

Harper had been told the extent of her injuries. The possessed Xu had nearly killed her and had done severe damage to her spine resulting in her being unable to walk at the moment. She would need to relearn that skill and there was some tough physio ahead of her. Positively though she was predicted to make a full recovery due to being close to a medical bay at the time of her injuries.

The physical ones would heal just fine.

She'd tried to move her leg but it didn't budge. Harper sighed and began to cry quietly into herself at the damage done but now that she had reminded herself of the fact she'd been told that she'd killed Xu. The heavy pressing of guilt on her chest was unfathomable. Her mind reeling to questions of; did she have to take the shot? Could she have saved Xu? What will the crew think of her now that she's killed one of her own?

"Yes..." Harper said with a sniffle.

"Oh sweetheart!" Cassie moved on the bed, swinging her legs down and placing the book to one side. Carefully and gently she dropped from the bed and made her way over to the women next to her. Carefully dropping into the chair beside Harpers bed, Cassie reached out a hand , took Harpers in her own and squeezed gently.
"I'm here if you need me!"

"I didn't think anyone would want to be after what I did on the bridge. To Xu..." Harper squeezed back and shifted a little uncomfortably.

"My understanding is you had no choice and having been a puppet of whatever it was controlling her, I can say with some certainty that death would have been a welcome release. You did your duty, you protected the ship and Crew."
Cassie contemplated adding about Harper 'being proud' of what she had done but through this might be a little to much.

"They mentioned at the Academy that one day you might come across situations like this. Taking a life to save the crew, the Captain, was always on the job description but..." Harper sniffled. "I didn't think I would be doing it this early, or that it would feel this bad. Do you think I did it out of anger?" she asked knowing Cassie wouldn't have a real answer for how she felt. "I had been thrown around like a rag doll, my body broken but all I could see was that it was not Xu's eyes and I wanted that thing gone. Does that make me a monster?" she asked.

"It makes you Human!" Cassies answer was instant, no hesitation, no flinching. "I don't know you to well but what I do know is that you care about people, your crew, your friends... You did what any one of us would have done!"
A part of Cassie was screaming that she would not have done it out of loyalty or concern for those she loved. She would have done it to get revenge even if that revenge was misplaced after all Xu was not responsible.

"That's it as well... if you listen to celestial Goddesses of other worlds... apparently I'm not Human either." Harper shrugged a little. It was a stiff shrug, almost as if using them for the first time. Since her surgery she had been feeling phantom pains, stiffness of joints (to be expected when your spin was reconstructed near enough) and some mood swings from blows to the head. "That's a whole other thing I need to get into once I get these to start moving again." she lifted her leg and dropped it like deadweight.

"Would being something other than Human change who you are and how you react and interact with others? You're also assuming that what ever that thing was, could it simply have been trying to unsettle you by throwing out a few false statements?"
It was a little unsettling just how much it appeared to have gotten under Harper's skin what she would have assumed was a throw away comment.

"No... I suppose I am who I am because or the life I've has and the people I've met." Harper thought about her parents, her upbringing and her early life in Australia. That's what made her who she is. "When I spoke to the Goddess she showed me visions. Visions of the past, of an old species long ago... but it felt familiar. I don't know... I've just felt 'off' since then..."

"You mean Xu's daughter, Methalina?" Cassie herself had her own encounter with the Goddess and it was surreal to say the least but she had not bestowed any visions upon her. What she did know about Methalina was she was more than insightful, perhaps even all seeing.

"Methalina still seems to be... around!" for lack of a better phrase. "Perhaps you could ask her what she meant?"

"Well yes, if you want to be literal about it. Xu's daughter." Harper shrugged subconsciously. This hurt as she had forgotten for a brief moment about her spinal surgery. "But I guess I could speak to her, get a little clarity. I just don't know if I can face her... she's a mini Xu... and I've just ki--" Harper had a catch in her throat at the very thought.

Cassie had no words to follow what Harper had been about to say. Nothing she could say would take away how she felt, how much it tormented her at the very core of her being. Instead she reached out, taking Harpers hand in her own and squeezing. She didn't know her well but it seemed that the Security Officer was hard on herself, as like most of the most well known Security Chief's in the history of Starfleet not least of all the legends.

"The control was removed from you, your ability to choose was limited to just one option... Act to save the people you care about at the cost of an innocent. Vulcan logic comes into play, the needs of the many out weighing the needs of the few. How many Starfleet Officers over the years have had to battle that... How many would do the same again? Do you think Lieutenant Tasha Yar would not place her safety before that of the people she was trying to save on Vagra 2 if she had that choice to make again?"

Cassie's words rang true and Harper did appreciate what she was trying to say. Her hands were warm and it made Harper feel a connection somewhat.

"If it came down to it then I know I'd probably make the same decision again." Harper sighed. "Training kicks in and in the moment you do what you know has to be done. If it were up to me I'd take Xu's place... but it's much easier to throw yourself in harms way than it is someone else. The being inside Xu battered me, hurt me and threatened everyone else. I think part of me was looking for an easy option... do you think I took that?" she asked trying to figure it out herself.

"I could have tried to get up again. Take her down maybe. Shooting to kill from a distance... last and worst option for anyone." Harper added knowing that she probably couldn't have risen again after the damage to her spine. The crack to her head and the blood that she'd left on the carpet.

"We all sign on knowing the risks Harper... Xu and Michael knew those risks. If I was in your shoes, would I have done anything different... Probably not. What defines us is how we remember the people we lost and how we strive to make them proud!" Once again Cassie squeezed Harpers hand, trying to infuse her with even a sliver of the confidence she felt at Harpers actions. "You did this ship, this crew and more importantly yourself proud in the most terrible of circumstances!"

"I don't imagine anyone signs on with the risk of being shot by one of your colleagues... but I do know what you mean." Harper brought the answer back around the Cassie's point. She felt the warmth, the tightness of their hand holding, the squeeze of 'I'm here for you'. "I guess there is no going back from it now... I'm still going to hide under the covers for a little while though. I've not even faced Jon yet and I know he's been here... I just pretend to be sleeping." she sighed.

"And that is a mistake. If anyone would be able to understand and support you its the ones we love" her own words the medicine she needed herself but had been actively rejecting. "Talk to him, I promise it will help!"

Love? Harper thought for a moment. Did she love him? Is that what this was? Pride at not wanting to look weak in front of a partner?

It was a sudden realisation, she did love Jon. Goddess she'd never hear the end of it now.

"You're right." Harper smiled, a weak one at that but some might call it a win. "He'll be in again before you know it. Poor guy can't get enough of me when I'm all beat up and can't run away from him." she joked.

"Well I should let you rest... We still have a long way to go before things start to get even slightly back to normal!" she said with a final squeeze of the Lieutenants hand. "I'm always here if you need anything!" And with that Cassie retreated back to her own bed, leaving Harper to her thoughts and hopefully feeling a little better about herself... Cassie certainly had things to consider from her own words also.

Harper nodded and as Cassie squeezed her hand a "Thank you." came from Harpers lips. Cassie slipped away back to her own bed whilst Harper closed her eyes to try and drift off to sleep.

OFF

Lieutenant Cassandra Higgins
Ships Counsellor
USS Andromeda

Lieutenant JG Harper Matthews
Chief Security/Tactical Officer
USS Andromeda