Momento Mori

Posted on 12 Feb 2023 @ 10:02pm by Lieutenant JG Oliver Stevens & Lieutenant Cassandra Higgins-Stevens

Mission: Through the looking glass
Location: Cassandra Higgins Quarters
1379 words - 2.8 OF Standard Post Measure

ON

Cassandra emerged from the shower, having opted for a real water shower on this occasion rather than a sonic shower, she felt she needed the water to wash away the grim, the dirty... The memories. Her own hurt at what she had been forced to do, the grief at not being able to help Xu or even Hawkins. She also felt guilty for not feeling anything for the Operations officer that had lost her life at the same time. It was to much for any one person to handle but she had to. She had to force herself into a professional place, pushing her own pain to one side, she had to remain the unmoving rock for the crew, the pilar of emotional support.

She had slipped into a red dress, pulling the zip up at the back slowly, allowing the sensation of the tight fitting dress focus her, snag her into a place that she could feel something. She then allowed her still wet hair to fall around her neck, the cold damp sensation focusing her as she placed the hooks of the ear rings, sapphire blue stones hanging from diamond studs. The applying makeup, simple colours, just enough to frame her features.

It was like a ritual, bringing herself back to the professional counsellor that she thought she needed to be, but also having promised Ollie a meal and the romantic night they had not had for some time. Was it right to still go ahead... Possibly. Did they both need it... Yes without question. Was now the right time... Probably not. Still she had placed thought into the evening. Candles light around the main living space and a soft pink glow from the arch support lighting that hugged on either side of each immense oval window that looked out on the stars. The glass table dressed with red place settings and a copper cutlery with obsidian crockery, flowers in the centre with a few more candles around. This night had to be perfect.

Oliver pressed the chime on the door. The rumours flying round the ship were not pretty ones. That the bridge had been busted up. Several dead. Even the captain in sickbay. He shuffled the flowers he had picked personally from the arboretum.

"Hi," he said. The dress was stunning but his eyes locked on her face looking for any indication she had been harmed.

"Dinner is almost ready!" she said, forcing her voice to be as light and carefree as she could make it but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. All she could see was Xu's face and she felt responsible for her death in a round about way, and Hawkins. 'This was a bad idea!'

She turned in a way that she couldn't catch his eyes, moving to the replicator just a fraction to rapidly, the warm stink of tear threatening to spill making her eyes itch. "How was your day?"

'Great Cassie, perfect opener to not raise suspicions'

Ollie sighed inwardly. She was determined to be strong and all business then. Ok they would do it her way.

"I got you these," he said handing her the bouquet. "And this is real. Red wine. Let me pour you a glass," he said having already opened it in his quarters and seeing glasses were already on the table. He was quite impressed he had managed to walk down not crushing the flowers or spilling a drop of wine.

He was even more impressed that she despite everything that was rumoured had put all this together.

"My day was pretty good. First time in about a week I got to transport some people. Including you back here. How was yours?" he said holding the wine out to her.

She accepted the glass of wine, placing the glass to her lips and downed the contents in one go, disregarding the question he had asked, pretending she had not heard.

"I have Duck à l'Orange for the main, Coconut Shrimp for the starter and..." a single tear had started to track its way down her cheek but she forced her voice to remain steady as she wiped it away. "... and Ischler Törtchen for dessert!"

She skirted around him to place the empty glass down on the sideboard, still not locking eyes with him, she couldn't.

Oliver poured his own glass and drained it. Then refilled hers. "That sounds wonderful, and you look stunning."

He pulled her into the biggest hug. "But what do you really need Cassie?" he said not letting her go.

His toned biceps pressing against her gently, she wanted to fight him away instantly but then she couldn't stop the flood of emotions, guilt, survivors guilt, sorry, worry, overwhelming responsibility... the damn was busted and she crumbled in his arms.

Ollie just held her. Gently stroking her hair, telling her it would all be okay and other soothing words. She needed to get everything out. When her sobbing slowed and her breathing started to sound less frantic, he picked her up and carried her to the sofa.

Who counsels the counselor he wondered as he gently placed her down. She would talk when she was ready, that much he knew. Maybe she would insist on eating the dinner again but something had shifted. He just carried on holding her close.

"I'm sorry!" she managed weakly. "I need to stay strong for the crew. I shouldn't have broken down like that!"

She felt like she had been violated. She had seen reports of telepaths reporting forms of mind rape, Deanna Troi having been subjected to it on at least two occasions that she could recall. Cassie had always put this down to being nonsense but now, having experienced it first hand...

"I'm not the crew," Ollie said simply. "I'm the one who loves and supports you. Let me do that. Let me in. What happened up there Cass?" he said kissing her forehead gently.

"I'm not sure... Something was inside Lieutenant Lau but it wasn't her at all. She took over control of my body, I was a passenger. I saw myself attack the captain, saw glimpses of what it did to Lieutenant Matthews. The next thing I knew I was waking up with medics standing over me and three people dead and several others injured on the bridge!"

She was still pressed against his chest, taking some measure of comfort from his closeness but even still she couldn't allow herself to break down, not yet. Yes she had been made a victim of the being in Xu's body but she needed to remain strong for the coming days and the people that needed her to be on form.

"It wasn't you okay. You had no control if Xu was I guess possessed. And Jon knows you would never attack him. What happened to Lieutenant Mathews?" he asked gently.

"She was nearly killed and the bridge was badly damaged in the process!"

Wiping away the tears that had started to dry on her cheeks, tugging down her dress that had ridden up as she stood and moved back to the replicator. "I need to just keep moving, working. I need to be thankful I wasn't seriously injured or worse. I'm fine!"

"I'm thankful too," Oliver said. "You're not fine. You're in shock but it will fade with time and get better. You know better than most how all that works my love. And I am here for you. You should eat. If you can eat. It would be a waste to see this lovely meal you prepared not be touched."

The evening progressed unhindered, she smiled, she laughed, she kissed him, she disrobed him... Everything the evening was meant to be yet, a small voice at the periphery of her waking mind was screaming at her, bellowing with anguish, she had been violated. She had been puppet of something cold and dark and she had been a tool in aiding those that she cared about and called friend be slaughtered. She would never be alright with that but she had to stay strong and continue the appearance of being in control.

OFF:

Oliver Stevens
Npc Jon Reynolds

Lieutenant Cassandra Higgins
Ships Counselor
USS Andromeda