Psychological Debrief

Posted on 01 Dec 2019 @ 3:19am by Lieutenant Commander Aidan Datari & Lieutenant Commander True Keading & Lieutenant Emmony Safford

Mission: Mission 2 - The Agora crossroads
Location: Counselor's Office
Timeline: Day of/after rescue (MD6/MD7)
2309 words - 4.6 OF Standard Post Measure

Having been told to rest, or rather, having been ordered to, Aidan had returned to his quarters. He wasn't even sure what time it was, and he didn't think to look. All he wanted really, was to get clean and wash both the gel and the feel of the planet off. Even if he had been bathed perhaps several times a day, somehow the feel of sonics might help him relax.

He smiled at Emme as he walked in, walking a little less difficult than before. Even if all evidence was gone, the psychological damage was still there. "I'm going to have a shower, and then I'm going to bed," he said, "doctor ordered rest and I need to see True in the morning."

"Okay," Emme said, watching him carefully. "Are you okay? I mean physically?" It felt like a stupid question since he'd just been to sickbay but he had been acting really strangely. "I'm not really tired at the moment, but I could cuddle with you if you want?"

"My injuries have been healed," he replied honestly, "there shouldn't be anything left visible now, but the analgesics are wearing off and though I shouldn't feel anything, to me it's still sore." He gave her a small smile, pulling off the robe he'd been given. "I'll never say no to a cuddle. If anyone can help me relax, it's you Em. I'm sorry I'm not being entirely open with you about this, I really only want to spare you the details. I don't want to unnecessarily worry you, that's all."

He walked up to the bathroom, turning slightly. "Want to join me?"

Aidan woke early as usual, shifting carefully. "Em, are you awake?"

"Uhuh," she responded. "I actually didn't sleep much. But my sleep schedule has been off lately. I seem to want to sleep in the middle of the afternoon more than any other time. I think this child of ours is a vampire." She rubbed a hand over her abdomen that was starting to show a bump.

Smiling, Aidan covered her hand with his. "You sleep whenever you need to love. As your boss I can accommodate any schedule you need." He leaned over an kissed her cheek. "I'm going to see True today, and then head off to my office. Call me if you need anything?"

"Of course." Though Emme couldn't imagine what she'd need. She'd spent far too much of her adult life taking care of herself. The transition to wife had surprised her. She let Aidan out the door for his appointment and got dressed herself, hoping to get some work done before nap time again.

True had just arrived at her office for the day. Several people in the corridor had given her an odd look because she seemed to be humming but she paid them no attention. She went about getting ready for her first patient oblivious to what tune she was using.

Aidan arrived just after the door to the office had closed behind True. He was quiet, but his face held a look of determination as he pressed his hand to the chime.

"Come in," True called turning around to welcome them. "Aidan." She said with neither surprise nor concern. "Have a seat. I thought you might be by this morning. Would you like some tea?"

"Didn't sickbay communicate the requirement?" the Trill asked as he nodded. "Yes please," he added while finding himself a seat. He carefully leaned back, a touch of relief washing over his face as he could do so without agony.

"They don't have to. It's standard procedure for people to come to me after an away mission like that." True ordered them both tea and set down a tray with all of the fixings she could think of. Then she sat in her usual seat across from him. "So you were taken, the same as Rose and I." She figured that was a good place to begin.

"I had gone off to the bathroom, and I was tripped on my way back and drugged." He bit his lower lip as he looked down. "I guess I wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings, I wasn't expecting trouble. Sadly, I lost something that is very dear to me, but that's not to be helped. When I woke up I was changed into a kind of dress that left not a whole lot to the imagination, and they were fussing over me within minutes. I resisted of course and was dealt some kind of electric shock that left me immobile and in agony."

He paused, reaching for his tea, silently sipping it for a while, letting his words sink in.

Feeling that it was only fair to share her story, True continued. "Rose and I went looking for Haulval who had wandered off. We came across two lizard like beings that we tried talking to though we knew right away they were not there to be friendly. They blew some kind of darts at us and the next thing we knew we were waking up in a cell, our clothes had been changed as well." She looked at Aidan. "Please continue."

Nodding, Aidan stared at the cup in his hands. "I was put up for auction and I saw Lieutenant Fox in the crowd, and I saw her bid and be outbid by the Don. When I was led off, I saw her buy you and Lieutenant Belikov. I felt hurt, and left alone. I didn't have much time to dwell as we were put on a transport and next thing I know I'm told to strip down as if I'm some prize to be inspected. I refused..."

He bowed his head, closing his eyes at the memory, hands tightening visibly around the cup. "I was forcibly stripped and lashed... and then asked if I would serve and I'd be treated well if I did. Naturally I didn't want a life of agony so I said I would." He looked up, pain in his eyes. "I was treated quite well, apart from that. fresh food and clothes, reasonably comfortable bed... some freedom of movement. Except disobedience as punished, harshly." He paused again, hands shaking as he lifted the cup up to his mouth to sip the hot tea again.

True moved forward, putting a hand on him as if it would somehow help Aidan feel more grounded in the moment. "You're safe here," she reminded him. She was sure that had not been an easy thing to reveal but she was impressed with his willingness to discuss it and let it out. "You know it's perfectly acceptable and encouraged to let the emotions out as well. Holodeck programs are wonderful for that. And no one has to know except you and I. You know I'd never tell anyone."

The Trill nodded slowly. "I know," he answered, his voice shaking a little. "And I know this takes time as well... And I know I'll be afraid to go on missions, the very idea alone has me freeze up." He looked down at her hand, appreciating the gesture. "Training will probably help, it'll give me focus. But I've been in pain for days, so the memory of that will hold me back." He sighed softly. "How will I stop the nightmares?" He knew he'd have them anyway, it was part of the process. "How do I keep Em from worrying about me?"

"Oh you won't be going on any away missions until you are comfortable going, I Can promise you that as well." Jon would know by now that she was stubborn enough to completely hold her ground on that one. "I'm not talking about training. I'm talking about doing something that will just make you fall apart. Honestly Aidan, sometimes it's not enough to move on from things, you have to let them happen and deal with the consequences later. I recommend doing something that makes you angry, makes you sad, anything to get those emotions to the surface so that you can lose control of them. And Emme is your wife, she's never going to stop worrying about you. But knowing that you're in counseling probably helps calm her nerves."

"I meant my physical training, it'll give me a sense of focus. There are just things I don't feel I should discuss with her, even if I'll never lie to her or anyone else." He looked down again, feeling terrible. "I don't want to fall apart around her," he confessed.

"Why?" True asked sincerely curious. "I would think of all the people on this ship, she would be the one best able to handle it. It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you've made yourself strong for too long. And it's good for you to let things out."

"Do you think so?" He looked up. "She is pregnant, surely she doesn't need this additional stress of having to take care of me too?"

"I think Emme's been feeling pretty well up to this point. And I think she'd much rather know that you're on your way to being mended than worry about your physical and mental health."

"I didn't want her to see how injured I was when I returned," Aidan confessed, "I still feel pain when I really shouldn't be in any. I feel very stiff and I can share that with her, and I can share my discomfort, I just don't really want to burden her with what I went through down there. How scared I was, really."

"Let's turn this around." Said True as she thought about it. "How would you feel If Emme came back from an away mission with obvious injuries and emotional trauma and didn't want to share that with you? Would that make you worry about her?"

"Yes." There was no question about it, he would be worried. But... "aren't men supposed to be stronger? he asked, "aren't we supposed to stay strong? If this were Em and not me I'd be worried yes, but I'd think I'd respect her privacy if there was something she didn't want me to see."

"Aidan, that is such a sexist old view of the universe." True said truthfully. "Besides, Emme knew you from before you discovered an interest in women. She fell in love with who you were then. Why are you trying to change yourself for her? As for respecting your privacy, I'm sure she does. But, if I were her I would be worried about what you experienced and would be grateful if you trusted her enough to share it."

"I do trust her," Aidan said, looking down at his cup again, "and I don't mean to be sexist about it. I don't mean to change myself for her, I just don't want to upset her in her current condition. Do you think I should tell her? I don't even know how bad it really looked but considering how much pain I was in, and it happened three times within five days... it must've looked bad." He paused, looking up again, tears in his eyes. "It felt bad, and I felt terrible. I understand why they did it, but that doesn't make it right."

"I haven't seen Emme lately but I know if it were me I would want to know what happened so I could understand how to help you through it." She shrugged. "Talk to her, I'm sure you two can come up with a solution that fits you both. But most importantly, don't hold it in." She patted him on the arm, figuring he'd gotten the point. "Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

"I don't know..." Aidan hesitated. "I think it could've been much worse, and that somehow I got lucky. Despite this disciplining, I was actually treated quite well. I had an injury when I was caught snooping around, and it was treated without pause. When they removed the agonizer, and my tracker, those injuries were treated too. The food was quite good, and the room I was lodged in was very decent. But the very idea of being a slave, that was utterly traumatizing. The idea that I couldn't go home, and I wanted nothing more than to go home, that was devastating."

"Yes, I can't imagine. I never got to that point. But you must have held onto some hope that you were going to be rescued?" True asked.

Aidan nodded slowly. "Yes, I did have hope, and I did tell the Don that I would serve only until my ship would come for me. Though I couldn't know how long that would take. I'm very glad it was sooner rather than later. I don't know how long I would've been able to hold out hope."

"Jon would not have left you behind," True said certainly. "He puts a lot of responsibility on his shoulders and takes his job very seriously."

"I know he wouldn't have left me behind. It was a matter of when, not if. But I'm still glad it was only a few days." He smiled thinly. "Believe it or not, I do have limits. I'm no superman..."

"The rest of us already knew that. I'm glad you finally arrived at that decision." True winked at him and stood up. "Go curl up next to your wife, cry, be emotional, sleep, do whatever you feel like doing. I would like to see you back in a couple of days though."

"I will be here," Aidan promised, "and I will try to be...less strong."

●● Lieutenant True Keading
Chief Counselor
USS Andromeda

Lieutenant Emmony Safford
Science Officer
USS Andromeda

●● Lieutenant Aidan Datari
Chief Science Officer
USS Andromeda