What are you thinking

Posted on 03 Mar 2020 @ 12:08am by Lieutenant Syvar MD & Lieutenant Commander True Keading

Mission: Mission 3 - Whom gods destroy ...
Location: Counselor's office
Timeline: MD4, 1730
1377 words - 2.8 OF Standard Post Measure

Syvar paced his quarters, feeling restless and anxious at the same time. He had no idea really how long he'd been pacing. A few times he'd walked towards the door, but it was locked -at least for now. His command code to override any locked door, revoked. He licked his lips as he paused for a moment, knowing he couldn't delay this much longer. If he wanted to go back to work, he needed to do this.

Finally he tapped his commbadge. "Counselor Keading, this is Syvar..." He paused, clearly hesitating. "Could you come to my quarters? Please?" Despite his hesitation, his voice carried a certain urgency.

True tapped her commbadge having just spoken to Jon. "Actually Syvar, I'd like you to meet me in my office. There are a couple of men coming to escort you, they're just there to keep you safe while you come to see me. We really need to talk about some things."

"Oh..." Yes he knew they needed to talk, that much was a given. But he'd been told he was confined and thus wouldn't be allowed to leave. Still, he reasoned anywhere was probably better than home. He looked around, feeling as though home wasn't really home at all. He looked up when the door slid aside, and two armed security officers walked inside.

Barely acknowledging them, Syvar preceded them out and allowed them to escort him to the counselor's office. At that moment, he wished he'd taken the time to clean himself up a little. As he walked in, he hastily raked his fingers through his disheveled hair in an attempt to make himself more presentable. "Counselor," he greeted formally, though with clear discomfort.

"Please sit Syvar. Would you like something to eat or drink? I promise Atlas is not allowed in my office and I've changed my uniform so hopefully that will help with your allergy."

"That's very considerate of you ma'am," the Vulcan answered gratefully, "I'll have tea please." He sat down and folded his hands in his lap, sitting stiffly on the edge of his seat as he found it difficult to relax. "I know why I'm here, I'm just not sure I'm ready to talk about it." He looked up at her. "But I'll do my best as I really want to keep working..."

"That's a good attitude to have. Tell me Syvar, what are you feeling in this moment?" True asked as she handed him a cup of tea in a saucer and put some fixings like milk and honey on the table in front of him.

"Right now? A great many things. I feel shame for being used, anger at being relieved and kept from my patient, fear that it's not yet over and she may yet have a hold on me." The cup and saucer trembled in his hand. "Fear, that I might lose my job..."

True reached out to steady the cup and to touch his hand. "Jon would never let you go like that. He's very worried about you though, as am I. But it's good that you're thinking about what happened and that you feel these emotions. I only asked you what you felt, not why, and yet you gave me an explanation, that's good actually. It means you're processing things and not just feeling them."

"Am I?" He looked up at her in question. "I'm denied access to my patient, I couldn't fulfil a promise..." He bit his lip. "I couldn't say no to her but still... I made a promise, and she needs medical attention. Yes it got out of hand, but what should I have done instead?"

"That doesn't mean you are out of a job, this is precautionary because you are not acting like yourself at the moment. There are other medical personnel on this ship that can see to her. But what worries me is that she has been cruel to you, and yet you want to help her? I understand the medical creed Syvar, but what she did to you was awful and terribly wrong. You should have reported it. I know you were scared but the truth came out eventually and now we want to help you."

"And if I had reported it she would've found another victim." He shook his head. "It is my duty to help anyone in need of medical attention, that mean that, without pause, I would stop to help my worst enemy." He paused, looking at the cup in his hands. "I felt drawn to her," he finally admitted, his cheeks colouring a darker shade of green as he looked up. "I can't explain why. I can't explain how I feel this way. I'm terrified of her, and part of me wants to be nowhere near her. But..." He hesitated, looking down again. "..it wasn't all cruelty... she had moments of kindness."

"Someone who loves you isn't going to subject you to moments of torture. That's called abuse. If people reported things like this she wouldn't have been able to get a hold on this ship. And while it might be your responsibility to help anyone in need of medical attention, you also have a duty to protect other people on this ship from someone who is obviously emotionally unstable and needs the help of not only medical personnel but counseling personnel as well. And you being drawn to her actually makes sense. There have been documented cases of people falling in love with their captors."

"She wasn't my captor... That would imply I wasn't free to leave a manner of confinement. I wasn't confined," he argued, though he could see a truth in her words. He leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes for a moment. "I failed in my duty to protect the rest of the crew, even though I really thought I was protecting them." He opened his eyes again to look at her. "I'm not in love with her," he said firmly. "I mated with her, but it wasn't love. Not on my part...I don't know how she made the first time happened...she did something that made me feel funny." He paused, looking lost and ashamed. "It was my first time too.." he added in a whisper.

"Let's agree to disagree on that part. And that's good that you're not in love with her, it makes things easier. I'm very sorry this happened to you though. I could prescribe some medication to help you sleep if you like. Because, that's what I think you really need. A quiet room, some comfortable blankets and a good long nap."

"After medical checks me out," Syvar answered, "I'll ask them to give me something. I haven't had much sleep the last days, and what little sleep I had wasn't really restful. I'm aware that as a Vulcan I need less sleep than a Human, but I'm no normal Vulcan. I don't meditate, I don't need it to control because I have no control. Not much anyway." he shook his head. "Blankets sounds good," he answered slowly, visibly trying to reign himself in, "a quiet room too...."

"Come," True said standing up and offering her hand. "I will walk you there and back to your quarters." It was the least she could do for the poor man. He seemed exhausted and stretched thin but with some work she had confidence that he would be his old self again.

He took the offered hand to get up. "I think I'd like to get something to eat first."

"Sure, we can do that first." She spoke softly to the guards. True wanted to trust him but she thought they better come along just in case. She didn't believe he would hurt her but there was no guarantee that he wouldn't run off on them. "Dinner and then sickbay and then back to your quarters for some sleep."

Syvar nodded compliantly. "yes ma'am," he murmured as he followed her out. He was too tired to protest, and even too hungry now that he had mentioned food. He couldn't even recall when he last ate.


Ensign Syvar
Acting CMO
pnpc Aidan

●● Lieutenant True Keading
Chief Counselor
USS Andromeda